Agape
by Greatness Thrust Upon One
Summary: AU set immediately after season one finale. Regina sees no way forward. Emma finds this may be her toughest turn as savior. Henry finally sees the light. Pre-Swan Queen.
1. Chapter 1

Agape - "an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being."

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being." Rumi

Part 1/?

The letter sat in Emma's in-box on the corner of her desk at the station, along with a couple other items, notices from the State of Maine Superior Court, a uniform catalogue. Emma rarely received personal mail at the station. There was no return address. Regardless, Emma immediately recognized the looping, neat handwriting. Regina.

Emma settled into her chair, placing her boots up on the corner of her desk, reaching for her coffee mug, the one Henry had given her for Christmas that read "World's Greatest Mother."

Dear Miss Swan,

Please grant me this one indulgence, Miss Swan. Please allow me to say thank you for the gift of Henry. For nearly ten years, I had my happy ending, something denied me for so many years. Henry brought such joy and love into my life. I had been lonely for so long, Miss Swan, bereft of love and warmth. When Henry came to me, he was a bright light in an otherwise bleak existence. I had cursed us all, Miss Swan, myself included. That was an unexpected consequence, that I would be cursed along with everyone else. Only, I remembered everything from before - the loss of my true love, my loveless marriage, my mother's cruelty, my father's cowardice. I spent a lifetime in another world seeking love that was habitually and cruelly denied. Henry gave me a glimpse of what love was suppose to be - joyous, freely given, all-encompassing.

I used to wish I could pinpoint the moment I was deemed unworthy, when my destiny was determined. I suffered under the cruelty of my mother's hands, the impotence of my father's love. I watched the cold-blooded murder of my one true love. I endured a loveless marriage, submitting to the cold attentions of a husband who never bothered to utter my name in our marriage bed. I was forced to watch a young girl, responsible for my plight, grow up beloved, showered with affection, while I sat alone, cast aside, when year after year, I failed to provide the king with another heir.

We now both know when that moment was, Miss Swan.

Regardless, I take full responsibility for the havoc I caused, the lives I destroyed. I know I made choices fueled by grief and rage, that I chose to shut out any good, any spark of hope. But believe me when I say, Miss Swan, I couldn't see anything beyond my rage. I now know that every decision I made, took me further from the things I most wanted. I was so lonely, so utterly alone.

I was just as lonely here, Miss Swan, just as bereft of love. The nights were the hardest - the quiet, long nights alone. I had so wanted a child. It didn't occur to me to question Rumpelstiltskin's motives when he brought me Henry. Henry was a joy, Miss Swan. Even those tough first years, struggling to balance everything as a single mother, wishing fruitlessly for a partner to share the burden, the experience. The sleepless nights, caring for Henry on my own, teething, potty training, Henry's picky-eater phase, all of it was worth it for one of his smiles, hearing the sound of his laughter, the joy of seeing his first steps, with tears in my eyes, heart overflowing. All of it was worth it for the sight of Henry sleeping peacefully in his bed, Henry's squeals of joy on Christmas morning. Storybrooke was my fresh start, and after years of aching loneliness, Henry was my happily ever after.

So, thank you, Miss Swan for Henry.

Allow me this too, to say I'm sorry for all I put you through. Your arrival, your breaking the curse was a foregone conclusion. You could no better control your destiny than I could mine. Truth be told, my relationship with Henry had already begun to deteriorate before he brought you to Storybrooke. I can pinpoint the exact moment in this world I became unworthy in Henry's eyes - that book your mother gave him was the beginning of the end of my happy ending. Henry pulled away from me so swiftly, it literally left me reeling. And you, your presence in my town, on my walkway, in my study, in my son's life, you embodied a direct threat to all that I held dear. You must understand, Miss Swan, I had no other option but to eliminate you from the equation. The curse had begun to fray at the edges. It was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down around me. I couldn't bear the thought of losing again. Of having love ripped from me again. I couldn't undo the curse, couldn't undo all I had wrought in our home world. There was no way out for me. I had no choice but to try to keep the curse intact. But like so much sand, it was all rapidly slipping through my fingers.

I'm sure you'll find this hard to believe, but I was once a young girl, filled with hope, heart so full with love, Miss Swan. Daniel, my True Love, I wanted nothing more than to be his wife, to give myself to him, to bear his children, to live a simple life, filled with love and laughter. When it was all ripped from me, when true love's kiss failed to bring him back to me, all hope was crushed in me. My time as a dutiful wife to your grandfather was no more successful than my time as a dutiful daughter at the hands of my mercurial mother. Your mother's betrayal, which I clung tenaciously to as the root of my misery, your mother, I now realize was just a pawn in my mother's scheming, just as I was. Even if Daniel and I had escaped that night, I know my mother would have stopped at nothing to reclaim me. My happiness was never in the cards.

Thank you, Miss Swan for providing me with the brief spell of happiness I experienced in the bleak existence that was my life.

Now that Rumpelstiltskin has been defeated, I can finally rest. I've waited for the opportunity to atone for what I've done. I know it's a mere pittance that comes no where near filling the deep chasm that holds my crimes. Now, I can finally rest.

Take care of Henry. Tell him I loved him as best as I could, and that I'm sorry it wasn't nearly what he deserved.

Happy Mother's Day, Miss Swan.

Regina

Emma whipped around, her crown of golden curls twirling around her head. She gaped at the calendar hanging on the wall behind her desk. Mother's Day. Tomorrow was Mother's Day.

There was no post mark on the envelope. Estéban, the town's lone letter carrier must have picked the letter up from Regina's that morning, but instead of taking it to the town's Post Office, he'd simply delivered it to the station, along with the rest of the day's mail. It was Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Regina intended for Emma to receive this letter on Monday, when it would have been too late.

It was Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Emma began praying to whatever deity would listen, "Please, don't let it be too late, for Henry's sake!" The small voice inside Emma's head whispered softly, _for my sake too_.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma reached for her red leather jacket hanging on the coat tree in her office. She hastily shoved the letter in her pocket with one hand, while fumbling for her phone in her jeans pocket with the other. Racing out the door, heading for her cruiser parked in front of the station, she dialed the loft apartment she shared with Henry.

"Hey Ma," Henry answered.

"Henry, wait for me outside the building," her words tumbling rapidly out, "I'm coming to pick you up!"

"What's going on?" Henry was already reaching for his jacket and backpack. Two years after the curse had broken, Henry was conditioned to jump when Emma, or his grandparents made urgent requests.

* * *

Two Months Earlier

The battleground that Storybrooke became shortly after the curse broke was still in evidence. Broken windows, and abandoned storefronts littered parts of downtown Storybrooke. Rumpelstiltskin had waged a violent war on the town and its residents, looking for a way to break the town's barrier that had kept everyone trapped within Storybrooke's boundaries. Many lives were lost. Emma pleaded with her mother to allow Regina to help fight Rumpelstiltskin, but Snow had stubbornly refused, holding steadfast to Regina's house arrest. It took Charming nearly being killed during a battle by the Wishing Well for Snow to relent. Regina was released from house arrest to Emma's custody, by order of the town council led by Snow. Regina's powers returned once outside the enchantments around the mayoral mansion established by the Blue Fairy.

The two walked abreast down the walkway toward Emma's cruiser. Emma reached for Regina's arm, halting their progress. Emma turned Regina so they were facing each other, and looking Regina directly in the eye.

"I'm depending on you, Regina," Emma stated, wanting no confusion, "Henry, this whole damn town is depending on you to do the right thing. Don't make me regret this."

"I understand you perfectly, Miss Swan."

The pair continued toward the cruiser, Emma stealing glances at Regina, trying fruitlessly to gauge her mindset. Emma, the town - they were out of options. Rumpelstiltskin had proven to be a formidable enemy. Emma had no choice but to trust Regina.

By all standards, Regina had proven a model prisoner. In the nearly two years since her sentencing, she had made no attempt to escape, she had not sought to evade the enchantments that prevented her using magic. Her surrender to Snow and the hastily formed "town council" took most by surprise. Not Emma, though. Emma understood. Emma recognized Regina had no where to run with the invisible boundary still in place; no where to hide in this tiny town. Using magic to exert her will, while no doubt tempting for Regina, would ultimately have proven detrimental to her singular goal - regaining Henry's goodwill. Using magic against any of the townspeople would have further alienated Henry, and jeopardized the possibility of reconciliation.

Emma also saw something else in Regina's surrender and eventual confinement, or rather, it's what she didn't see that startled her. It was as if all the fight had drained from Regina. Gone were the razor-sharp barbs Emma had grown accustomed to dodging. Without a town to run, a son to raise, or scheming plots to thwart everyone's happiness to tend, Regina become a shadow of her former self. Regina interacted only with Emma, Charming and a few other people designated to deliver supplies to the former mayoral mansion. Regina was polite, keeping everyone at arms length. She acquiesced to the periodic searches of her prison, though what they were looking for, she could only wonder. She submitted to weekly sessions with Dr. Hopper, another term of her sentencing.

Regina asked about Henry on occasion, though only Emma. Emma kept her comments light, mentioning only positive things - Henry's success in school, his delight in hearing the stories of the lives of Storybrooke's residents. It became obvious to Emma very quickly, not all residents had a happy life in the other world. Emma also quickly recognized, quite a few of these unhappy folks had nothing to do with Regina. Red, for instance.

Regina's eyes would fill with unshed tears, as she listened to Emma talk about Henry. She often turned her back to Emma, staring out at the empty spot where her apple tree once stood. It had been removed just after her sentencing by Snow, one of Snow's vindictive acts toward her former stepmother. Henry had steadfastly refused to see Regina, rarely asked about her. It was as though Regina was dead to him.

"You've been collecting Henry's comic books from Mr. Bakkal?" Regina asked one afternoon, as she and Emma stood in her immaculate kitchen awaiting the kettle on the stove to sound.

"Yeah," Emma replied, startled by Regina's voice. "I pick'em up every week. Bakkal always has them ready for me." Regina spooned ground coffee into a stainless steel French press, her back now to Emma.

It had been going on for months, a neatly wrapped parcel, tied with a bit of string which ensconced the half dozen comic books Henry followed avidly, was presented to Emma on a weekly basis by Mr. Bakkal the town's shopkeeper. The arrangement with Mr. Bakkal was instigated when Emma rather sheepishly asked Regina for the names of the comic books Henry followed as they sat in Regina's study during a weekly check-in. Emma had fallen behind several weeks in purchasing them. Emma and Henry had been having a bad week - one too many dinners at the diner because Emma was too exhausted to even think about cooking, one too many arguments about Henry seeing Regina. The week was made worse by Rumpelstiltskin setting off several explosions near the town border, testing the barrier for weak points. There were none, but he was successful at rattling windows, setting off car alarms and jangling townspeople's nerves. Emma had been overwhelmed with calming folks down, filing damage reports and tamping down on some minor looting that had occurred. She had missed three weeks of comic book purchases.

Regina removed from a desk drawer a pad of paper and pen. She quickly wrote out the names of comics in her neat, looping handwriting, handing it to Emma without a word. By the time Emma made it to Mr. Bakkal's shop that evening, just before meeting Henry at Granny's for dinner, again, the parcel was already prepared. Mr. Bakkal reached for it as Emma approached the counter, clutching the list Regina had provided. When she reached for her wallet, Mr. Bakkal waved her off. The routine had been repeated weekly for months.

Regina already knew Emma had been picking the comics up. Mr. Bakkal would certainly let her know otherwise. Regina set about retrieving mugs for their coffee, cream and sugar for Emma's. The kettle whistled, shrill, startling them both. Regina retrieved the kettle, pouring water into the French press. She reached for the egg timer by the stove, as she replaced the kettle on the back burner, setting it for four minutes.

"He doesn't know…"

"That you're paying for them?" Emma interrupted. Regina nodded her head in response. "No, I thought it best not to mention that. Look, he's still…"

Now it was Regina's turn to interrupt. "I understand, Miss Swan. No need to explain. It's probably for the best." The timer dinged. Regina set about pouring the coffee.

* * *

They tracked Rumpelstiltskin to the western edge of town. It was a trap. Of course, it was a trap.

Rumpelstiltskin had finally figured out the secret to Emma's power. Emma wasn't just the product of True Love - she was True Love incarnate. He needed Emma in order to break the curse completely. He needed the magic she embodied. He nearly managed to get his hands on her earlier that day, until that imbecile, Charming had jumped in between them, protecting his daughter.

Regina had figured it out too, months before, alone in her prison of a home. She had had lots of time to think things over, reflect. In her isolation, she had come to a decision, but knew she had to wait. Regina knew she had to wait because they would need her help to stand a chance at defeating Rumpelstiltskin once and for all. Regina also knew she couldn't suggest they would need her help, as it would undoubtedly be rebuffed. No, they had to decide to come to her on their own. So when Emma showed up on her doorstep, tank top covered in what Regina would later learn was Emma's father's blood, Regina knew they'd finally come to their senses. She was their last resort. Now was her chance to atone, to right a few of her many past wrongs, by helping those she had hurt most deeply, and by securing Henry's safety, his future.

He made it easy for them to track him, almost too easy. That should have been their first clue. He stood his ground near the invisible boundary that kept them all trapped in Storybrooke. Rumpelstiltskin sent a bolt toward Regina, sending her flying like a rag doll, her back violently meeting a tree trunk. Pain radiated through her body as she slowly slipped to the base of the trunk, her legs unable to hold her up.

Emma charged forward, brandishing her father's sword. From Regina's position on the ground behind Emma, it looked as though Emma glowed, the setting sun outlining her figure, light radiating around her, her golden tresses aflame, ready, always ready, to charge foolishly forward, literally blinded by love, by the need to protect those she loved. And in that moment, racked with pain, weighed down by months of desolation, of missing Henry so desperately, waiting for her chance to atone, Regina wished with her whole heart to be worthy of Emma's love too. Regina wished so desperately to be worthy of being loved so deeply, just once.

"Too little, too late, Savior," Rumpelstiltskin trilled, "Now, if you please, you have something I need." The bolt struck Emma square in the chest, throwing her back in the same way Regina had been only moments before. The sword fell from her grip, clattering to the ground. Emma's body went limp, as Rumpelstiltskin drew her energy, her power from her.

Regina rose slowly using the tree trunk for support. She took an unsteady step toward the pair. Her last thought, before leaping between them was of Henry, of Henry seeing her as worthy, of Henry's forgiveness. She had to save Emma for Henry. In the first few seconds standing between them, Regina felt the surge of Emma's power course through her, acting as an analgesic to her physical pain. But there was something else - something powerful enough to begin filling the cracks in her heart, the void in her soul. The warmth of unconditional love completely enveloped Regina. The radiance, the pureness of Emma's power overwhelmed Regina, rendering her breathless, bringing tears to her eyes. _Whole_, Regina thought, _this is what it__'__s like to feel whole._

Just as quickly, the connection with Emma was lost.

An anguished sob tore from Regina's throat. She had once again been allowed a brief moment of luminous joy, a glimpse of unconditional love, as with Daniel, as with Henry, only to have it ripped away as violently as her mother had ripped out Daniel's heart, as violently as the hearts she herself had ripped out. Regina finally understood within the span of a heartbeat, that she would never be worthy. That radiance, that unconditional love, that happiness - it would never be hers. It would seek the quickest route away from her, bolting from the darkness of her heart.

The connection between Emma and Rumpelstiltskin broken, Regina now bore the full brunt of Rumpelstiltskin's attack. Regina channeled her power, delivering a lifetime's worth of pain, heartache, fear and loss to Rumpelstiltskin. She poured her desolation, the bleakness of her years, into the connection with Rumpelstiltskin, holding back the rage, the thirst for revenge, all the things on which she knew he would feed. Rumpelstiltskin crumpled to his knees, hand outstretched, attempting to break the connection. Regina stepped closer, further focusing her power, for while Emma was born from True Love, Regina was forged from pure evil. She intended to bring that to bear on Rumpelstiltskin.

"You'll never be worthy," Rumpelstiltskin taunted, as though reading her mind, "Your fate was decided long ago, Your Majesty, when your mother and I first conceived of you, when we conceived you!" His eyes flashed with delight, despite the pain, as he watching Regina's face flash confusion, then abject horror.

"No!" Regina cried out in agony, all the wretched pieces of the puzzle that was her life finally coming together. Her life was forfeit the day she was conceived. "You're lying!"

"You know it to be true, in the blackness of your heart, daughter dearest!" Rumpelstiltskin goaded, seeing the slightest of cracks opening, planning to exploit it to the fullest.

Regina stumbled back a couple steps, the connection broken. Rumpelstiltskin took full advantage of her distraught state, sending another blast toward Regina, this one far more powerful. Regina's body flew through the air, impacting with a large boulder, the sound of bones cracking. Rumpelstiltskin stood gingerly, moving slowly toward the broken body of his scion, intent on finishing her off, her usefulness depleted. He didn't see the sword until it was nearly upon him, seconds before Emma plunged it into his chest.

"You and her mother, you're both real fucking pieces of work!" Emma bellowed. Regina never stood a goddamn chance, Emma could see that now.


	3. Chapter 3

Regina was placed in the room adjacent David's at Storybrooke's hospital. Hospital staff initially balked at treating her, but the look on Emma's face made clear there would be no forgiveness for anyone not doing everything they could to save Regina's life.

Snow and Henry were sitting vigil at David's bedside. Emma barged in, covered from head to toe in blood, both David's and Regina's, and dirt, after she had finally been forced out of the trauma room. She had stubbornly refused medical treatment, insisting everyone focus on Regina. Regina's injuries were manifold, from benign abrasions and contusions, to the more serious, like the large gash on the back of her head near the base of her skull, a compound fracture on her left forearm, to the severe contusions on her side, most likely several broke ribs.

After plunging the sword into Rumpelstiltskin's chest, Emma raced toward Regina, who lied crumpled at the base of the boulder she was thrown against. Blood spilled from her mouth and nose, her breathing labored.

"The sword, Miss Swan," Regina sputtered, "Please retrieve your father's sword."

"Regina, don't worry about that," Emma frantically responded, while assessing the extent of Regina's injuries. "We need to get you to the hospital!"

"Emma, please, just get the sword," Regina begged. She didn't know how much longer she could fight back the encroaching edge of darkness, the tug to close her eyes and sleep. She needed Emma to act quickly, to help finish Rumpelstiltskin for good.

Emma looked at Regina askance, but did as she requested. Emma looked back at Regina nearly the entire time, as she stumbled toward Rumpelstiltskin's lifeless body, turning away from Regina only to reach for the hilt of the sword. She made haste to return to Regina's side, laying the sword parallel to Regina.

Pain permeated nearly every corner of Regina's body, slowing her thought process. She focused on her love for Henry, her desire to ensure his future, pushing aside the pull of slumber. Her time to rest would soon be upon her.

"Help me sit up," Regina implored, bracing herself for the pain movement would bring.

Emma hooked her arms under Regina's, gently lifting her into an upright position. Regina grimaced in pain, tears welling up almost instantly, as a wave of nausea hit her. She took as deep a breath as her aching chest allowed. She spat out a mouthful of blood. She dragged her right arm across her mouth, wiping it on the sleeve of her blouse.

"Sit behind me and face us toward Rumpelstiltskin." Emma immediately complied. "I need you to center yourself, Miss Swan. Completely clear your mind." Regina's body sagged into Emma's, resting her head on Emma's shoulder. For her part, Emma moved her arms from under Regina's arms to rest on her stomach, pulling Regina gently against her body.

"Focus all your energies on the thing you love the most, Emma," Regina struggled to continue. "Think of your love for Henry."

But it wasn't Henry Emma loved the most, or at least, not just Henry. Emma was startled to realize that she loved the woman in her arms just as much as Henry, had loved her for quite some time. Emma loved this utterly broken woman - broken both physically and emotionally. This woman, the Evil Queen who had destroyed the happiness of nearly everyone in town. This woman, the former mayor of this town, who kept everything running for years, carrying her secret burden alone. This woman, who had loved and raised Emma's son. This woman, Regina, was the thing Emma loved the most.

Regina felt the surge flow through her body almost instantaneously. That same feeling Regina had as she stood between Emma and Rumpelstiltskin returned tenfold. Regina felt the shattered pieces of her heart coalesce, reformed and bound by pure light, pure love, by Emma's pure, unconditional love. Time elongated, stretching, making every second feel like a lifetime. Every second felt like a lifetime of unconditional love. Regina felt her heart grow light, beating in time with Emma's.

Emma pulled Regina impossibly closer, praying Regina would accept what Emma's heart was offering.

Regina lifted her right arm, directing their combined energies toward Rumpelstiltskin's lifeless body. Light radiated from the tips of her fingers, ensconcing Rumpelstiltskin's broken body. A flash of light turned night to day, illuminating the surrounding forest. Both Emma and Regina turned away, unable to face the blinding light. Then, in the next moment, the light was gone, as was Rumpelstiltskin's body, the earth near where he previously lied scorched. And in the next moment, Regina sagged in Emma's arms, unconscious.

Back at the hospital, Emma paced the tight confines of her father's room. Regina was in surgery. Her broken ribs caused a collapsed lung. Emma hastily recounted the tale of Rumpelstiltskin's vanquishing, of Regina saving Emma's life. Snow sent a party out to survey the area, and retrieve David's sword. Emma had abandoned it next to where she and Regina had sat, its value inconsequential compared to Regina's life. Emma gently gathered Regina in her arms, stumbling through the forest toward the cruiser, ignoring the pain in her back, fighting against the weakness in her arms and legs. Adrenaline and love pushing her forward with her precious cargo.

Snow pleaded with Emma to return to the loft for a shower and a fresh change of clothes. And to rest. They would call with any news on David or Regina, the instant there was something to report. Emma refused to leave before Regina came out of surgery, but finally relented when Snow suggested Henry needed to rest too. Perhaps they should both have something to eat, Snow gently suggested. Emma reluctantly complied, asking for David's truck keys. The cruise was in no state for Henry to see, splattered with Regina's blood. Snow promised to make arrangements for the cruiser.

The truck pulled up to the curb outside Granny's where Red met them with a takeaway bag. Snow had placed the order with Granny's the second her daughter and grandson had left. Two grilled cheese sandwiches and a couple hot cocoas with extra whipped cream and cinnamon. Henry took the bag from Red, as Emma reached for her wallet in her back pocket.

"Snow took care of it," Red informed them, "I'll be by to check on you two after my shift." Obviously, Snow had arranged for more than the food and cruise. Emma nodded her appreciation before heading back to the loft.

"She saved me, Henry," Emma gave him a sidelong glance as they drove toward the loft. "Your mom saved my life."

"She's not my mom," he contradicted, "You're my mom!"

They'd had this _discussion_ numerous times the last couple years, usually instigated by Emma's suggestion that Henry consider visiting Regina at the mansion. His resistance was tantamount to Snow's refusal to seek Regina's help in defeating Rumpelstiltskin prior to the last twelve hours.

Regina, it would seem was irredeemable in her mother's and son's eyes – a lost cause.

But, Emma knew better.

Just as Emma had been destined to save everyone, Regina had been destined to enact the curse, to destroy everyone's happiness. Regina's love for Henry had proven to be the key to Regina overcoming her destiny. Regina had been willing to risk everything, including the curse to save Henry. Regina had surrendered completely, given up her magic, stepped forward to help without hesitation. She had also been willing to risk her own life to save Emma's. Regina had proven steadfastly selfless the last couple years, though no one other than Emma seemed willing to credit Regina's account.

"I would be dead if it wasn't for your mother." Henry pointedly ignored her, choosing to look out the window, refusing to contemplate Emma dying.

"She loves you Henry," Emma extolled.

"I don't care!" His voice cracking in anger and frustration.

"She loves you more than her parents ever loved her. She sacrificed everything, risked everything for her love for you, without expecting anything in return, which was a good thing," Emma charged, "Because that exactly what she's gotten from you, nothing!"

They didn't speak the remainder of the night. Henry's ingratitude, for a kid who had had love and affection showered on him in abundance from the moment he came into Regina's life, weighed heavily on Emma.

Henry refused to visit Regina at the hospital, sticking to David's room. He peeked in on her a couple times, as she slept, her good arm handcuffed to the bed rail, her left in a splint due to the compound fracture. She looked smaller than he remembered, her dark hair contrasting starkly with the white hospital sheets.

Forgiveness skirted the edges of his heart, only to skitter away. She was the Evil Queen, not his mother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all for the follows, favorites and reviews. A reminder that this story picks up after the season one finale.**

* * *

Regina's recovery after the battle with Rumpelstiltskin had been slow, nearly two weeks in the hospital. Regina would occasionally hear laughter emanating from Charming's room next door - sounds of a happy family which she was not a part. No family wanted her it seemed. Her parents, Cora and Henry, and Rumple - if he was to be believed, although deep down, she knew he spoke the truth - none of them had loved her. Cora's abuse, Henry's abandonment, turning a blind eye to Cora's repeated abuse, and Rumple's cold manipulation of his own daughter - Regina hadn't stood a chance, from the moment she was born. Parents who failed to love and protect her bookened with a son who saw her for the damaged goods she was, and had turned his back on her. Regina couldn't bear the heartache.

Henry didn't visit her the entire time she was in hospital. Aside from Emma, Regina saw no one other than the hospital staff, and the various deputies posted outside her door, although the Blue Fairy did visit that second day to enact enchantments around Regina's room to prevent her from using magic, never mind it was nearly impossible in her weakened state. The staff acquiesced to Emma's demand for the best care for Regina, although they all begrudgingly attended to her. She had awoken with her good arm handcuffed to the bed rail after surgery, groggy and weak, and alone. She had remained handcuffed until Emma's arrival the next morning. Emma immediately removed the cuffs, admonishing the deputy standing guard outside her room for placing them on her in the first place.

"Staff felt more comfortable with her handcuffed," he lamely defended.

"She's got magic!" Emma retorted, "The handcuffs are pointless other than to demean her!" Snow overheard her daughter from Charming's room, which prompted the visit by the Blue Fairy.

Emma sat with her for a couple hours every day, usually after her shift at the station. When Regina was awake more hours of the day than asleep, Emma brought some of Regina's books from the mansion, along with a chess set. Emma helped Regina by moving her pieces until Regina was able to sit up on her own for longer stretches. Emma would watch Regina's features fluctuate between intense concentration on the game to one of utter disconsolation, as Henry's voice, Henry's laughter occasionally drifted from the room next door. Regina could hear the subtle changes in his voice as only a mother could. He was twelve now, on the verge of puberty.

When Regina was released from hospital, Emma accompanied her home. Emma had asked Ruby's help in rearranging things at the mansion to make it more navigable for Regina, whose arm was still in a sling. They settled into a routine with Emma visiting several times a week. On the days she didn't visit, Emma would call the mansion to check on Regina. Regina had stopped asking about Henry. Emma had little to say anyway. He was spending several nights a week at her parents' place. On nights when Henry wasn't home, Emma would sometimes pick up dinner at the diner - a Cobb salad, bleu cheese and dressing on the side for Regina, a bacon cheeseburger and fries for herself. She took a recipe she'd seen in a magazine at the dentist's office - Emma had no idea how a copy of _Southern Living_ had ended up there - in for Granny, Salad Nicoise, asking her to try replicating it. Emma thought Regina would like it, with its hoity-toity French cut green beans and such. Emma's cooking skills hadn't really evolved in the last two years, even with a kid to feed every night. Henry had taken to making his own lunches, which Emma spot-checked for the agreed upon serving of cut veggies or piece of fruit, only one sweet - Ding Dongs were a perennial favorite - and a juice box or water bottle. There was an empty coffee can by the door with change for Henry to purchase milk or chocolate milk, which was offered on Fridays. The jar was Henry's idea, and came about after Emma failed to produce spare change from the cracks and crevices of her Bug one morning; the third day in a row she scrounged around in all her pockets, the glove compartment and under both seats. Emma collected a roll of quarters at the start of the month, and would empty it into the jar with a satisfying cling-clang.

On nights when Henry was at her parents' place, and she wasn't with Regina, Emma cozied up to her friend Jack Daniels, and reruns of _The Mentalist_. That Jane guy was smarmy, but Lisbon wasn't too hard on the eyes. One night, a few weeks after Regina's release from the hospital, Emma had returned to her empty apartment, grabbed the bottle and a glass, and plunked down on the couch. Emma had taken dinner to Regina's earlier that evening. They ate in silence at the dining room table, Regina listlessly picking at her salad. Emma had tired to make small talk, but "Pongo got out again" stories had long since lost their zing. At least her cheeseburger had proven satisfying. Unlike Regina, Emma had eaten with gusto, which was why it wasn't surprising when a glob of sauce ended up on Emma's shirt. Regina noticed immediately. She had noticed the blouse the moment she opened the door to Emma's smiling face, holding a takeaway bag from Granny's. It was an anomaly in that it was a blouse, not Emma's de riguour tank top. It had buttons, and was relatively unwrinkled. It was emerald green, and brought out Emma's eyes beautifully. Regina's breath caught in her throat at the sight. Emma broke the spell, something she seemed destined to do again and again, when she stepped past Regina into the foyer, looking back briefly on her way to the dining room, shaking the bag with a wry grin on her face.\

Back at the dinner table, Regina jumped into action. It had been nearly two years since she'd had a tough stain to tackle.

"Take off your shirt."

"What?"

Startled, Emma mumbled around a mouthful of cheeseburger, mind running in a million directions all at once. As far as propositions went, Emma couldn't think of anything more direct.

"Take off your shirt, Miss Swan," Regina repeated as she made her way toward the kitchen. "You've spilled sauce on your blouse," she added over her shoulder.

Emma's mind spun once again. _Right_, not a proposition. Of course, Regina wasn't propositioning her, Emma chastised herself for her overactive imagination, reminding herself for the hundredth time since the encounter with Rumpelstiltskin, to tamp down on her feelings for Regina. She set the cheeseburger down, and grabbed a handful of napkins. She wiped off the big glob, and then grabbed another napkin, which she dipped in her water glass. Emma then proceeded to smear the remains of the sauce to twice the size of the original stain.

"Miss Swan, what are you doing?" Regina looked on incredulously from the archway of the dining room, clasping a bottle of club soda and cloth in one hand, a cardigan sweater she kept on a hook by the backdoor for gardening in the other, her sling having been discarded several days before. "You're making it worse!"

Emma caught the look of abject horror painting Regina's features. Emma cracked a self-deprecating smile, hoping to mitigate Regina's disapproval.

"Off!" Regina demanded.

Emma reluctantly began unbutton her blouse, standing to pull the tails from her jeans. Regina stood transfixed, staring openly at Emma. As Emma unbuttoned the last button, she roughly cleared her throat, spurring Regina into motion.

"I brought you something to wear," she rattled, as she hastily walked toward Emma, who reached for the proffered sweater. She quickly removed her blouse, handing it to Regina. She turned slightly, her back to Regina, mind once again buzzing at the look in Regina's eyes. Desire? Not just sexual, though, Emma thought. Emma had endured enough leering looks to recognize them when cast in her direction. Desire for intimacy, for connection, that's what Emma had seen in Regina's eyes. Emma returned to her seat at the table, her appetite for food negated by a hunger for something else entirely. She lost herself in thoughts of what this could mean.

Regina had retreated to the kitchen, to make short work of removing the stain, focusing the entirety of her concentration on its removal, working to remove the stain on her heart along with it. It was pointless. The stain remained, as did her feelings for the blonde, which she could no longer deny. She grasped the blouse in her arms, as silent tears fell. It smelled of greasy cheeseburger and fries, and the unique scent that was Emma. It was pointless to indulge in such feelings. She had failed to regain her son's affections over the last two years. She most certainly would fail to win Miss Swan's affections.

She just wasn't worthy.

Regina returned to the dining room, blouse in hand. She spied Emma, seated, looking uncomfortable, in the moment before she made her presence known. "I'm sorry," Regina stepped fully into the dining room, "I couldn't get it out." Regina handed Emma the blouse, "Perhaps I'm a bit out of practice." Regina formed a weak smile, as she went to gather the remnants of her salad to take to the kitchen. "I'm a bit tired, Miss Swan. I think I'll turn in early."

"Oh, of course!" Emma moved to clear her own meal, "Let me help you clean up, and I'll be out of your hair."

The women, lost in their own thoughts, quickly cleared the dining room table, neither realizing their desire to reach out to the other was reciprocated. That her touch would be welcomed by the other, but that neither dared to make a move for fear of rejection.

Back in her apartment, Emma slouched on the couch, a tumbler of Jack Daniels perched on her stomach. She had tuned out the show – it was the part where Jane gathered all the suspects and spun his tale, goading the murderer into unwittingly confessing. Emma thought for the hundredth time about Regina, about the look in her eyes as Emma undressed. Regina looked lovely this evening. Her hair, which she had grown out, fell well past her shoulders, framing her face in soft waves. She seemed a bit tired, but looked like her recovery from the battle with Rumpelstiltskin was progressing well. The stiffness in Regina's gait had dissipated, the sling gone. Emma tossed back the remains of the tumbler, feeling the heat of the whiskey burn down to her belly. Emma had no idea how to process her feelings for Regina. It was beyond simple attraction; Emma at least recognized that much, though she had backtracked a bit from the startling revelation of her love for Regina during the battle with Rumpel. It couldn't be love, could it? Deep, deep care? Emma could imagine revealing her feelings to Regina – _I'm in care with you, Regina!_ Emma groaned at the absurdity.

Emma longed to take the slender woman in her arms, erase the pain she saw in Regina's eyes, and help to reconcile Regina and their son. But Emma had made absolutely no progress with their son, who remained obdurate in his dismissal of Regina. Emma was supremely disappointed in him, and it had driven a wedge between them. After the battle, Henry spent more time with Snow, claiming he didn't want her to be alone while Charming was still in hospital. Even after Charming's release, Henry preferred the company of his grandparents to Emma's. Her parental style had led to increasingly frequent friction with her strong-willed son. He seemed to do better under the care of the Charmings, responding positively to Snow's gently laid boundaries and David's quite support and steadfastness. Emma seemed to always be consulting her own personal catalogue of "Things Regina Would Say" - stand up straight, eat your vegetables, no more video games tonight, Henry, time for your appointment with Dr. Hopper, Henry, because even Emma saw the value of Henry continuing his visits with Archie. Emma delivered these lines half-heartedly, as if she didn't quite believe she had the authority to back-up her words.

Emma Swan felt like a failure as a mother, and didn't have the slightest idea what to do about it.

Emma had thought about talking with Regina about the worsening situation with Henry, but couldn't bring herself to bring up the topic. _Hey, Regina, you know the son who abandoned you? Well, he's close to abandoning me too. Any suggestions?_ Emma couldn't bear the though of admitting to Regina that Henry was spending more than half his time with his grandparents.

She had seen _something_ in Regina's eyes earlier that evening. Lust, longing, Emma wasn't sure, but it had to be something they could build on. It was getting harder for Emma not to reach for Regina when they were in the same room, harder not to let her feelings for Regina slip. She just couldn't be sure it was possible her feeling were reciprocated.

Emma Swan was completely in love with Regina Mills, and didn't have the slightest idea what to do about it.

The two most important people in her life, out of reach. The two people he loved more than life itself, both hurting. She was hurting. They were broken – all of them were broken. She took another swig of whiskey. _God, what a mess_, Emma thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to all for the follows, favorites and reviews. For Henry-lovers, I don't think you're going to be any happier with him after this chapter! I'm going on holiday, so the next chapter won't be up until next weekend, but it's all Regina.**

* * *

Day before Mother's Day

Henry waited dutifully outside the apartment building he shared with Emma. She had gone into the station that morning, claiming she had paperwork she needed to tackle. She had been planning to meet him for lunch with her parents. Henry was cognizant of the rift forming between him and Emma. He was also aware of the amount of time Emma had been spending with the Evil Queen. Henry had spent far more of the last few weeks with his grandparents.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to save your mother!"

"From what?" he asked incredulously.

"Herself!" Emma sputtered, "Our apathy!"

Emma's heart ached for Regina. The one person Regina loved had completely abandoned her. In the two years since the curse had been broken, since Emma had broken the curse, Emma realized she was the only one who managed an occasional ounce of sympathy for Regina.

"She deserves to be miserable!"

Emma's ire was up. "Tell me Henry, did you ever want for anything growing up?"

"She made people think I was crazy!"

"Do you ever see the sadness in her eyes, Henry?" Emma softened her voice, seeing a crack in Henry's armor as his voice trembled. "She's lost the one person she loves more than anyone, Henry. She's lost you."

"She deserves that and much more!" Tears welled up in Henry's eyes. "She cursed everyone, and she tried to kill you!"

"Get it right, kid," Emma replied, "She tried to put me under a sleeping curse, which True Love's kiss would break. That's the problem with fairy tales, kid, it's only one side of the story, and details are optional!"

Emma pushed on the gas until it hit the floor, "Did she deserve to have her True Love murdered in front of her?"

"She's evil, Emma. Why are you defending her?"

"She wasn't always evil, Henry."

"Yes she was!" Tears rolled unchecked down Henry's cheeks.

"She wasn't when Snow met her," Emma responded. "She was kind and loving, so much so that your grandmother wanted her as her mother." Emma floored the gas pedal, as they sped past the diner.

"She's planning to kill herself, kid," Emma implored, hoping to jar the boy out of his obstinacy. "She's so brokenhearted, she thinks we'd all be better off without her!"

"We would be!" Henry wailed.

Emma slammed on the breaks, turning to face Henry who refused to look at her.

"Get out!"

Emma leaned over Henry to open the passenger door.

"Call David and Snow," She managed through gritted teeth, "Have them pick you up from Granny's."

"Now!" Emma bellowed when Henry made no move.

He was openly sobbing. He regretted his words the second they left his mouth. Regina had been absent from his life for nearly two years; but, they weren't better off, he wasn't better off. He missed Regina desperately, but was too prideful to admit that now, after nearly two years. He had pushed and pushed and pushed, and now it seemed she was too far out of his reach; that he could never find a way back to her. Henry hadn't just burned that bridge, he had torched the nine years of his life - before finding out he was adopted, before receiving the book from Miss Blanchard - with a flame thrower, charring every loving memory, every hug, every "I love you, Henry" Regina had ever uttered, leaving nothing in its wake. The roots, however, were deep. Regina did love him, he knew, deep, deep down, _he knew_, just as certainly as he knew he loved her.

_It was a gorgeous late spring day in Storybrooke. Henry had been playing in the backyard under Regina's watchful eye, when the shrill sound of her cell phone interrupted their peace. Regina began speaking in harsh tones to whoever had dared intrude upon their afternoon. Henry watch for a moment as Regina paced the back porch, growing more agitated by the minute with the caller. Henry turned toward his mother's beloved apple tree. A small blossom had bloomed with the coming warmth of spring, its sweet aroma intoxicating. He decided to pick the bloom for his mommy. Small legs scrambled to the base of the tree. He searched for a route to reach the blossom, spotting a branch just low enough to reach if he stretched. He smiled in triumph as he reached it, turning to look at Regina, still animatedly engaged in her phone call. He stretched his arm forward, clinging to a higher branch for support, the blossom nearly in his grasp. He looked up again at his mother, just as the late afternoon sun edged lower in the horizon, blinding him for a split second. He lost his footing, and began to fall, the blossom grasped tightly in his hand. He cried out as he fell, catching Regina's attention._

"_Henry!" She called, as the cell phone dropped from her hand forgotten. She didn't realize she was moving, until her heals sunk into the soft earth, her heart pounding as she watched her son fall to the ground._

_The fall happened so quickly, Henry couldn't quite reconcile how he'd ended up on the ground, looking up at the darkening sky. He heard his mother's cry, turning toward the direction of her voice. From Henry's position on the ground, it looked as though Regina glowed, the setting sun outlining her figure, light radiating around her, her dark tresses aflame, ready, always ready, to charge heroically forward, literally blinded by love, by the need to protect the one she loved most, protect Henry, her little prince._

"_Henry!" She kneeled beside him, her features slowly coming into Henry's focus. He had been momentarily stunned by the fall. _

"_Henry, are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?" Regina gently probed his small form, looking for any signs of injury. "Oh, my little prince," Regina uttered through the tears that had began streaming down Regina's cheeks._

"_Sorry, mommy," Henry sheepishly looked at his mother. "I know I'm not suppose to climb, but I wanted to pick this for you." He stretched out his hand to present the now crushed blossom to his mother. He smiled as she took it from him, clasping it to her heart. "Please don't be sad."_

"_Let's get you inside, my little prince."_

_Regina gently gathered Henry in her arms, stumbling through the backyard toward the house, ignoring the ache in her heart, fighting against the fear of losing Henry. Adrenaline and love pushing her forward with her precious cargo._

Henry had always known; he had just tried to bury it, forget that part of their lives together. Because just as he knew deep, deep down that she truly loved him, he also knew a person capable of that kind of love couldn't be all evil. And _that_ was not something he was even close to being ready to deal with.

"Move!" Emma pushed on his arm, jolting him back to the present, to the rapidly deteriorating situation with Emma.

"Emma, please!" He cried, not even sure what he was imploring.

"No, Henry," Emma spoke around the lump in her throat, "I'm not going to bother waiting around for you to turn your back on me. Go to David and Snow."


End file.
